Lost Note

Have you ever found a lost note? This happen not so long time ago. Found it somewhere and thought it is good enough to share. It’s from a handwritten note which I found sort of interesting. The one who wrote this must have been experiencing an inner debate in the heart.  I don’t know the whole story of why the note was written, or to whom it was intended to. But one thing I know, we sometimes also experience this ‘debate’ especially on this complicated department of love…

“I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I should have known better. But… but now it feels like I’m doing again something that only leads to the road of heartaches. Too much assumption brought me there. And now I can’t help but think all the “what if-s”, the “maybe-s” and “why not-s”. Stop! I should stop! I have to heed this warning before it’s too late.

He is just being nice to me. Actually he is not just nice to me but to everyone he knows. But when he’s near me, I can’t be comfortable with myself. I don’t know why, but his mere presence has a big unexplainable effect on me. He has this intimidating aura that I can’t stand. Not because it’s really that bad but because my heart beats really fast I think I’m going to faint or have a heart attack. I can’t even look at him straight on the eye. And if I came across him at the lobby I go the other way because I’m not comfortable saying a simple ‘hi’ to him. Or maybe I’m just afraid that I’ll be rejected or he won’t notice me at all or argh... will you stop thinking about him!

Stop relating those stupid love songs to you. Don’t make too much assumptions; he’s not even saying anything about that to you at all. And I think he like someone else… and it’s not you. Oh My! Why am I talking to myself? I’m really going crazy… no… not again.

I know myself; I can be easily attracted to someone but that feeling can’t easily grow because I have a lot of limitations and precautions. Especially after that heart breaking thing I’ve been through. Ancient years have pass, I’m not hurting anymore but I’m just afraid --- afraid that I will lose myself again if I will give in to this stupidity of mine. I’m not that innocent and naïve just like before. I thought I’ve learned my lesson. But here goes my foolish heart again, struggling to take a good grip of the past experience because she really can’t stand if she will going to fall again for someone who don’t have any plans of catching her.

I know I have already set my limitations. I thought I know where to stop. But this guy… this stranger… he’s ruining those restrictions I built. I know he’s just a friend. I don’t want to fall for him because everything that falls gets broken.”

A lot of us are afraid to take the risk. It’s not wrong to guard your heart. Maybe the good thing to do is not to rush things out. Take little steps and see what will happen. I always believe in this: “If you two are really meant for each other, destiny will find its way.” In my case, destiny is God’s will. If he’s the ‘leading man’ or ‘prince’ He planned, destined, and made for you, you will be together no matter what journey you’ll take. You will be together in His perfect time.

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